I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
