I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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