so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
