if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
