I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
