She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
