I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize