Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
