ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize