am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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