$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
