haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
