there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
