I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
