The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
