Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
