i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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