Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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