i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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