Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
