respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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