Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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