so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
