is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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