I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
