I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
