last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
