Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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