can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
