Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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