Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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