Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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