I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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