Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
