Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
