i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
