Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
