i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
