just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
