I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
