This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize