Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
