i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
