just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
