I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
