I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
