how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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