he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
