i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
