oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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