Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
