i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
