worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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