Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
