How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
