I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
