dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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