When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
