I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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