pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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