Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
