So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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