it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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