oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
