I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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