After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
